What is Parental Alienation Syndrome and How do I Handle It?

Most children in a family identify with and feel affection toward both parents. Even after a divorce, most children will maintain some connection with both parents. However, at times, a child may only have a relationship with one parent to the exclusion of the other. This is called parental alienation syndrome (PAS). PAS is the systematic denigration by one parent to the other with the intent of alienating the child against the other parent. The purpose of the alienation is usually to gain or retain custody without the involvement of the other parent. The alienation usually extends to that parent’s family and friends as well.

It typically occurs when children get caught in the middle of parental disputes, where one parent, often in response to a contentious divorce or separation, successfully manipulates the child to turn against the other parent. In its most extreme form, children report that they despise or are frightened of the targeted parent, and refuse to have any relationship with him or her.

This leads to an impaired relationship with the alienated (target) parent and an absolute loss of parenting as a result of the hostility of the parent producing the alienation. In most cases of high conflict divorce, there are degrees of alienation. In severe cases, the child's once love-bonded relationship with the target/rejected parent is destroyed because the child is utterly brain- washed against the alienated parent.

When these four criteria are present, the stage is set for the development of Parental Alienation Syndrome

1. Visitation or access blocking by one parent
2. False allegations of abuse or unfit parenting against the Target Parent
3. Deterioration in the relationship with the child and the Target Parent since marital separation
4. Exaggerated fear reaction on the part of the child at displeasing the Alienating Parent

If you see any signs of alienation, you should contact an attorney immediately because you need to take immediate action which may involve:

1.       Seeking immediate sole legal and physical custody of child

2.       Limiting contact with alienating parent

3.       Reunification therapy

4.       Have court appoint attorney for child

Professionals suggest that the best way to deal with parental alienation is to keep in frequent contact with the children and let them know you love them. If you recognize any of these signs or believe you are the parent being targeted, the attorneys at Dishon & Block are experienced in handling matters that involve PAS.

Here are some other excellent resources for PAS:

Parents Who Have Successfully Fought Parent Alienation Syndrome
by A. Jayne Major, Ph.D. from her website

Questioning the Mental Health Expert's Custody Report
by Ira Daniel Turkat, Ph.D
from the American Journal of Family Law, Volume 7, 175-179 (1993).